Extra Credit 02:
Developing A Self-Coaching Notebook
(skip to Main Coaching/Prime Path)
As we remark at various places in SkyVillage, you are your own best coach. In fact, you are going to have to coach yourself to a substantial degree if you want your life to really work.
It will assist you in your self-coaching to craft and maintain a "self-coaching notebook."
Let's break down what I mean by this.
You see, there are things--that is, issues, problem, projects, etc.--on which you are working in your life. There are also things that you recognize could use work, but, at the present time, you aren't doing much of anything about them.
We'll call the things in your life that you are working on, or that could use work, "issues."
Some of these issues show up in terms of "things that you do". We could say, these are things that you are doing, or that you would be better off doing, or that you would like to be doing better.
So, perhaps you are on a diet, and trying to lose weight. Or maybe you smoke cigarettes, and realize that you should quit, but you aren't doing anything about it right now. Maybe you feel as if you need to be get to work earlier. Maybe you recognize that you would benefit from getting more exercise, so you joined a gym, but, well, you haven't been going very often . . .
You get it.
Others issues show up in terms of "ways that you are". In other words, we could say that these issues relate to your character traits, attributes and tendencies.
For example, maybe it would work for you if you were able to take criticism better. Maybe it would work if you didn't procrastinate so much. Maybe you could stand to be more patient with your family. Maybe you should stop mulling over past failures and humiliations as frequently as you do. Maybe there is someone in your life that you need to forgive.
You have your own set of these issues, some of which you are currently working on, and some of which you recognize need work. Some of these issues involve "things that you do", and some of them involve "ways that you are."
I am suggesting that you develop a "self-coaching notebook" to assist you in handling these issues. In this notebook, I suggest that you devote a separate page to each of the issues with which you are dealing. (Of course, you can use more than one page if dealing with a certain issue takes more than one page of self-coaching.)
So, let's take an example. Suppose you are on a diet, and you are trying to lose weight. Well, in that case, my suggestion is that you put a page in your self-coaching notebook on which you have written something along the lines of:
"You are going to be happier with yourself, and you are going to have more enthusiasm and vitality, if you weighed 125 pounds."
You can add any other pertinent notes on that same page. Example: below the foregoing sentence, you could then add
"You would enjoy your sex life more, too."
Pay attention to what I did there. For most folks, it works best if you phrase your self-coaching notes in positive and straight factual terms. So, it might be better not to be negative, with statements such as "being fat is making you miserable." It might also be better to stick to facts (such as "you are going to be happier"), rather than to exhortations and commands (such as "stop eating so much all the time!)".
For example, suppose you are trying to cut down on the amount of sugar you are consuming.
You could have a page that says "you have to eat less sugar!", and that would be OK, but I suggest it would work better if you phrase the entry as follows:
"You would be happier, experience more stable moods, and find it easier to lose weight, if you ate less sugar."
Once you get this notebook started, ideas are going to come at you over time, regarding things on which you are working, and things that need work. As you develop this notebook, you should devote a page to each of these ideas.
Examples: "You'd be happier at work if you didn't gossip as much." "You'd be calmer and safer if you drove more sensibly." "You would worry less about things if you paid your bills as soon as they came in." "Your home life would be more pleasant if you didn't criticize Henry and April as often." "You would have a brighter outlook on life if you watched less cable news."
Put the date that you add each page to your notebook in the upper right hand corner.
The idea is to spend maybe fifteen minutes to a half hour every day, or every few days, reviewing, editing and supplementing your self-coaching notebook. Prioritize the items by putting the ones with the most potential positive impact first, and the less urgent items later.
So, in order to allow for editing, re-arranging, and supplementing, your self-coaching document needs to be flexible. I use a three ring binder, so that I can pop pages in and out, and/or re-arrange them, depending on the issues with which I am currently dealing, and the priority that I am assigning them. Often, I write coaching notes to myself on ruled paper that has already been three-hole punched--the kind of paper kids use in school. Sometimes, however, I type up notes to myself on my computer, then print them out, punch three holes in the side, and put them in my notebook that way.
Don't hold yourself to any standards of perfection with this thing. If it's sloppy or disorganized, or if you don't look at it for a month or two, well, don't beat yourself up. Any work at all that you do on this thing is going to be helpful. If you set out to do it, then just do it to whatever degree that you do.
Again: do whatever works for you. You could even manage to craft your self-coaching notebook on a computer, or maybe even a cell phone. As long as it works. I prefer the tactile, real world experience of an actual paper, pen, and notebook, but I'm old school, and that's not a requirement.
You see, if you've got your head on straight, then you are trying to grow as a being. When you grow as a being--when you move towards mastery at being--then your life gets better.
This is not rocket science.
Well, you aren't going to be growing as a being in some sort of abstract fog. You are going to be growing as a being out here in the real world. That real world growth shows up in, around and about specific issues with which you are dealing. If you plan on growing, and having a better life, then it works to identify these issues, and to measure your progress in dealing with them. It also works, and I mean works, to get these considerations out of your head, and onto paper (or a screen, if that is your choice).
Child, you have a lot of growing to do. Working on a self-coaching notebook can generate results that can seem miraculous. When you put a page in your self-coaching notebook, shit happens, man. Things get moving. There's traction.
Whenever I find that I have handled a specific issue, I take the page out of my self-coaching notebook, and put it in another big old notebook that I maintain. I call this other notebook my "storage journal." I've been doing this for a long time, and I have hundreds of pages in my storage journal: things on which I have worked, and that I have handled, over more than two decades at this point.
The same thing is going to happen for you over time: dozens of issues handled and resolved, with satisfying, measured growth.
Try keeping a self-coaching notebook. It really works.
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